D. Trump
2012-05-30 20:05:02 UTC
Trump Tower
New York
May 30, 2012
Dear Fellow Americans:
For some years now, the Chinese Communists have been eating our
lunch. Figuratively, if not literally.
But with my assistance, when my candidate Mitt Romney is your
president next January, you can bet I'll set
the Commies straight!
So, I say now to those smarmy Chinks,
Want to manipulate currency, slant-eyes? We'll beat you at that
little game. Your billions of peons will each need trucks to
transport their money just to go to their local market to buy some
rice.
Building up a big-ass navy? I'll advise Mitt to order a lightning
strike on you Chink's shipyards -- and destroy your boats and subs
before they get launched! Same for those already at sea.
Want to attack Taiwan? We have all the nukes we need to take a
hundred-million of you sub-humans out -- now, without warning. And
we'll also take out those new missiles you're so proud of well before
launch. Just flinch and see what happens, goons! And America won't
suffer any of the nuclear, or publicity, fallout.
Plus, what we can't do physically, we'll do via cyber warfare! We'll
cripple your infrastructure, especially the utilities and vital power
sources. China will return, literally, to its days of serfdom and
shitting in the streets.
Trying to pull more jobs from our shores? Ha! We'll stop buying any
of your junk, even if Wal-Mart suffers. Maybe sink some of your
outbound container ships, too.
And don't even think about grabbing Arctic petroleum drilling rights.
Never let a gook ship of yours be seen above the circle, for any
purpose! We outnumber you in submarines twenty to one. Want to
live? Stay home!
And for good measure, I'm employing a select group of clinical
researchers who are developing a secret toxic bacterium that we'll
release into China via satellite-borne canisters, aimed at killing or
permanently disabling hundreds of millions of your people within weeks
of exposure. Give us an excuse to use the stuff.
Finally, we've targeted your space satellites and will paralyze them
within days of President Romney's inauguration. Same for your
rockets. We have them in our sights.
My advice to Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao is -- start preparing to grovel
and crawl before President Romney, and me, his vice president.
Because the days when you dweebs call the shots for the U.S. are over
the day we take office.
And all of you Chinese can take that to the bank, or wherever you keep
your yuan, or
whatever.
As for my fellow Americans, thank you all for your kind attention. I
won't disappoint you.
Sincerely,
-- The Donald
New York
May 30, 2012
Dear Fellow Americans:
For some years now, the Chinese Communists have been eating our
lunch. Figuratively, if not literally.
But with my assistance, when my candidate Mitt Romney is your
president next January, you can bet I'll set
the Commies straight!
So, I say now to those smarmy Chinks,
Want to manipulate currency, slant-eyes? We'll beat you at that
little game. Your billions of peons will each need trucks to
transport their money just to go to their local market to buy some
rice.
Building up a big-ass navy? I'll advise Mitt to order a lightning
strike on you Chink's shipyards -- and destroy your boats and subs
before they get launched! Same for those already at sea.
Want to attack Taiwan? We have all the nukes we need to take a
hundred-million of you sub-humans out -- now, without warning. And
we'll also take out those new missiles you're so proud of well before
launch. Just flinch and see what happens, goons! And America won't
suffer any of the nuclear, or publicity, fallout.
Plus, what we can't do physically, we'll do via cyber warfare! We'll
cripple your infrastructure, especially the utilities and vital power
sources. China will return, literally, to its days of serfdom and
shitting in the streets.
Trying to pull more jobs from our shores? Ha! We'll stop buying any
of your junk, even if Wal-Mart suffers. Maybe sink some of your
outbound container ships, too.
And don't even think about grabbing Arctic petroleum drilling rights.
Never let a gook ship of yours be seen above the circle, for any
purpose! We outnumber you in submarines twenty to one. Want to
live? Stay home!
And for good measure, I'm employing a select group of clinical
researchers who are developing a secret toxic bacterium that we'll
release into China via satellite-borne canisters, aimed at killing or
permanently disabling hundreds of millions of your people within weeks
of exposure. Give us an excuse to use the stuff.
Finally, we've targeted your space satellites and will paralyze them
within days of President Romney's inauguration. Same for your
rockets. We have them in our sights.
My advice to Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao is -- start preparing to grovel
and crawl before President Romney, and me, his vice president.
Because the days when you dweebs call the shots for the U.S. are over
the day we take office.
And all of you Chinese can take that to the bank, or wherever you keep
your yuan, or
whatever.
As for my fellow Americans, thank you all for your kind attention. I
won't disappoint you.
Sincerely,
-- The Donald
